BEWARE OF 'ENERGY VAMPIRES'

Energy Vampires. This seems like a new seductive coinage. Okay, exactly who are the energy vampires? These are the people who sap all your energy and leave you with nothing but to whine about something that is not in your control. You can always avoid such people, right? You would easily know them right? Not very often. These people may be the closest person to you, the only person whom you trust. Worst, these could be your parents as well.

You can classify these people into two categories--
1) Malign
2) Benign

Those who are malign are usually jealous or they hate us for reason sometimes known and sometimes unknown. Known reasons can be we are better looking, we are much more talented, we are the attention getter, we are good at something. Basically, when they say something, that is usually not in our best interest. They would bully us, insult us so that they can hurt us and they can seek transient happiness. This is one kind called the malign energy vampire.

There is also a class called benign energy vampires. These could be your best friends, your relatives, your parents, your spouse etc. These people whenever they think, they think of your good interest. So it shouldn't be a problem right? But unfortunately, they can pose a worse threat than the malign ones. Often, they stifle you with their thoughts saying that they are thinking in your best interest and that whatever they think will think for our best. They will stuff you up with so much negative thoughts that you will take years to get rid of the after effects.

Have you ever seen that when you go for an examination and say you have prepared for it to a great extent, still some one from your family tells you to revise well and check out if you have missed something lest that is the topic that you have to answer and you fail? Have you seen parents following their children everywhere in their important projects in order to discipline them?

Seriously, this is an example of how our dear ones become an energy vampire .When you are bound to succeed and you leave no stone unturned to attain it, there is no scope for failure. When at this point you start to think about failure, it comes your way. Some people call it ' Law Of Attraction ' and some call it ' Like Attracts Like'. The point is when you tend to invest your time and energy in avoiding bad stuffs, the bad stuffs come your way. Basically, whatever you put your time and energy to, you tend to attract it. Try to avoid some person, and he inevitably shows up that day. This is no coincidence but law of attraction. You attracted that particular event into physical manifestation.

I will talk about two theories of physics:
1) The theory of matter and energy being inter convertible
2) Multiverse theory

If you have read about antimatter, you would know that when antimatter come together then it goes off as radiation and on the other hand, a radiation can also be disintegrated into antimatter. That means energy can be converted to matter. Although unstable :-) Now if say, our thought was a kind of energy, then it can also be manifested into transient matter.

Hugh Everett suggested a theory that the universe that we see is one of the infinite number of parallel universes and these parallel universes constantly interact and interfere with one another. We are mere spectator there. This is the multiverse theory.
There can be one universe where we have passed an exam and one where we have failed it. Just an example. ;-)

Let us assume that these parallel universes vibrate with a certain frequency and our thought an energy. If we think positively, then our thought would also have a frequency and cause our universe interfere with the parallel universe with which our frequency matches, and would create the positive outcome of that parallel universe interfere with ours and we tend to create a positive outcome in this universe. Why? because we focused on positive. However, the energy vampires tend to bring our energy down to a level so that we can attract negative outcome.

Hence, to be happy you need to focus on positive outcome and not let yourself bogged down by if you fail, what if lectures.

It will take a lot of time to convince that they are wrong. It took me five years. :-). After all, you love the person due to their positive traits. Although it is necessary for you to keep them from affecting your thoughts, it is also necessary to get them rid of their internal demons.Otherwise, they will find another prey to sap the positive energy from.

If they love you, you will be able to convince them.

Till then lots of love.

BIG ROCKS OF LIFE

One day an expert in time management was speaking to a group of business students. As he stood in front of the group of high-powered overachievers he said, “Okay, time for a quiz.” He then pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed Mason jar and set it on the table. He produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them one at a time into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, “Is this jar full?” Everyone in the class said, “Yes.” Then he said, “Really?”

He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing it to work down into the space between the big rocks. Then he asked the group once more, “Is the jar full?” By this time the class was on to him. “Probably not,” one of them answered. “Good!” he replied.

He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand and started dumping the sand in the jar until it filled the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, “Is this jar full?” “No!” the class shouted. Once again he said, “Good.”

Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked at the class and asked, “What is the point of this illustration?”

One eager beaver raised his hand and said, “The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard you can always fit some more things in it!” “No,” the speaker replied, “that's not the point.”

“The truth this illustration teaches us is that if you don't put the big rocks in first, you'll never get them in at all. What are the 'big rocks' in your life? Your children, your loved ones, your education, your dreams, a worthy cause, teaching others, doing things that you love, your health; your mate. Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first or you'll never get them in at all. If you sweat about the little stuff then you'll fill your life with little things and you'll never have the real quality time you need to spend on the big, important stuff.”

This story has been told by Stephen Covey in 1996.

FEAR OF SUCCESS : SELF-SABOTAGE

Thats weird isn't it? There is a particular term for this phobia in psychoanalysis-- Self-sabotage. Have you often heard your parents and your mentors say, "I am happy that you are successful. However, do not let success get into your head." On one hand, they are happy that we are successful but on the other hand, they are scared of the same success. They subconsciously make us fear success. What if success changes our routine? What if we do not spend enough time with those with whom we spent time? What if our routine is disturbed? Well, isn't is obvious part of being successful?

One interesting question is : What will happen if your dreams come true? A five second answer that "I will be happy" will not do. What will you do then? Think about it for 15-20 minutes. How many of you people can tell me what you will do? I am sure most of you will come up with answers like "Let me become successful first"," Lets not count chicken before they hatch". Most of you will just find any excuse to avoid the answer. But why?

The answer lies in our subconscious mind. Our subconscious mind executes our habit. If you have a habit of taking a certain route home, even if you are engaged in some serious thought, you will correctly head home. Sometimes, during these serious thoughtful session, we have often heard our friend holler at us "Hey, are you walking on air? I am calling you for the last 5 minutes. Which world are you living in?" Then our conscious mind processes this distraction and we simply say that we were thinking about something. But even in midst of all this we have correctly headed home. The psychology lies in our behavior. Success brings some change. Changes do have consequences -- some positive and some negative. If we continuously ponder over something most often the thoughts of negative consequences outweigh the positive ones. That is the reason of procrastinating a decision even though we know it can bring us tremendous success.

Let us analyze some consequences when we think of success.

1) People adore me because I am the best. If I change to attain more success, many will become jealous. Friends will turn foe. What if people do not like me anymore?
What if I am left alone? What if people wish bad for me?

2) I am shy and reserved. I love my alone time. I hate crowd. I hate disturbances. If I become successful, I will be herded. I will not be able to get a moment of peace. Even those who liked me will start acting weird( like I am a star)

3) What if I become successful? Where will be the excitement. I want my graph to be on the high side. What if I lose interest?

4) What after success? I have a long life to lead. What after that?

5) What if people think that I am very lucky? What if they spread the rumor that I did not have to struggle to reach that place?

6) I do not deserve so much better. What if there are others better than me? What if they outwit me? What if they displace my record if I eventually do not perform?

Seems familiar. Isn't it? Just that none of us knew that this fear had a name.

This fear originates indirectly from our fear of failure and fear of change. Well, what if someone proposed that you will get a holiday for two if you win a competition which involves the subject that you hate the most? The answer would be "Not possible. I cannot. I am just not good for that." Well forget this analogy. Ok,how many of you tried to run away from the subject that you hated at school? well, I did at a time. It was history(Though some of my friend who know me would say that you said that history was one of your favorite subject). I would procrastinate the task in history till the last moment. The result? Well I was awake the night before the exam and I would cram up and go to the exams. Got a tremendous headache. I put the blame on it. When the marks did not turn up as expected, well, the reason was simple. Put the blame on history. The fact the history was bad and should be removed from the school curriculum altogether. I had the fortune to meet a wonderful history teacher who had a wonderful equation for history
History = His + Story
History is someone's story. When you hear a story, how much information can you recollect? 10%. When you read it for the second time, you would recollect 20% and the total recollection will go on increasing every time you repeat reading. Thats a reason people associate history with cramming. The fact is that you cannot digest all the information in one go. You have to be patient. Once the story becomes part of your conscience, you recollect it even without thinking hard :-). that was the turning point and moving forward I begun to love history because it was his story.What I want to point in terms of my teacher's analogy is

Fear of success is directly proportional to the fear of failure+ fear of change

If
Fear of change=0
Fear of failure=0

Then fear of success will be proportional to 0.
That time our subconscious is ready to accept success in whatever way it comes.

How do we eradicate this fear. The answer is in the equation.
For diminishing the fear of change, we have to keep on looking at the opportunities instead of just security( I mean take calculated risks not ad hoc one).
For reducing fear of failure, we have to first understand our fear. What are we scared of. After that, we have to accept that fear. Unless we accept that we are scared of something, we spend unnecessary time and energy on the avoidance instead of working on it, so our condition is like a trapped wild animal which would struggle hard driven by fear and unnecessarily tighten the noose inflicting more pain on ourselves. If we accept, only then we can work on the particular thing. We will think of ways to eradicate the fear. We would actually take some action.

Once we channelize our subconscious out of the unnecessary fears, we will be able to overcome this.

Caution the process is long and would take a lot of sacrifices. In the process, some other fears will also make way, but again we will eradicate them.
Note for those, who fear success due to boredom or the end, you have a competition for a lifetime. So enjoy the challenge. :-)

I have read up many articles on this particular fear. If you want to know more, you can always search it on the internet. For those seeking all information in one place, you can always refer the below links

* http://www.livestrong.com/article/14659-handling-fear-of-success/
* http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2004/12/fear-of-success-what-will-happen-if-you-succeed/
* http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200312/the-fear-success
* http://sourcemaking.com/antipatterns/fear-of-success

Please leave comments if you want to share something. Suggestions are always welcome.

Be happy :-)

WE ARE ALL MOTIVATED-- EITHER POSITIVELY OR NEGATIVELY

I read the story of two brothers. One was a drug addict and a drunk who frequently beat up his family. The other was a very successful businessman who was respected in society and had a wonderful family. How could two brothers raised by same parents, brought up in the same environment, be so different?

The first brother was asked, "What makes you do what you do? You are a drug addict, a drunk, and you beat your family. What motivates you?" He answered, "My father. My father was a drug addict, a drunk and he beat his family.What do you expect me to be?That is what I am."

The second brother was asked, "How come you are doing everything right? What is your source of motivation?" And guess what he said?" My father. When I was a little boy, I used to see my dad drunk and doing all the wrong things. I made up my mind that this is not what I wanted to be."

This excerpt was taken from Shiv Khera's "You can win"

SELF-ESTEEM

A beggar was sitting at a train station with a bowl full of pencils. A young executive passed by and dropped a dollar into the bowl, but didn't take any pencils. He then boarded the train. Just before the doors were to close the executive suddenly exited the train and went back to the beggar. He grabbed a bunch of pencils, and said, " I will take some pencils. They are priced right. After all, you are a business person and so am I," and he dashed back on to the train.
Six months later, the executive attended a party. The beggar was also there, dressed in a suit and tie. The beggar recognized the executive, went up to him and said," You probably don't recognize me, but I remember you." He then narrated the incident that happened six months before. The executive said, "Now that you remind me, I do recall that you were begging. What are you doing here in a suit and tie?"The beggar replied, " You probably do not know what you did for me that day. Instead of giving me charity you treated me with dignity. You grabbed the bunch of pencils and said," They are priced right. After all, you are a business person and so am I." After you left, I thought to myself--what am I doing here? Why am I begging?I decided to do something constructive with my life. I packed my bag, started working and here I am. I just want to thank you for giving me back my dignity. The incident changed my life."

THE BRIDGE BUILDER

An old man, going a lone highway,
Came, at the evening, cold and gray,
To a chasm, vast, and deep, and wide,
Though which was flowing a sullen tide.
The old man crossed in the twilight dim;
The sullen stream had no fears for him;
But e turned when safe on the other side,
And built a bridge to span the tide.
"Old man," said a fellow pilgrim, near,
"You are wasting strength with building here;
Your journey will end with the ending day;
You never again must pass this way;
You have crossed the chasm, deep and wide--
Why build you the bridge at the eventide?"
The butler lifted his old gray head:
"Good friend, in the path I have come," he said,
"There followeth after me today
A youth, whose feet must pass this way.
This chasm, that has been naught to me,
To that fair-haired youth may a pitfall be.
He, too, must cross in the twilight dim;
Good friend, I am building the bridge for him."

--Will Allen Dromgoole

Children learn what they live

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence.
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
he learns to find love in the world.

LUCK

He worked by day
And toiled by night.
He gave up play
And some delight.
Dry books he read,
New things to learn.
And forged ahead,
Success to earn.
He plodded on with
Faith and pluck;
And when he won,
Men called it luck.

RISKS

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams, before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.

But risks must taken, because the greatest
hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has
nothing, and is nothing.
They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they
cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, or live.
Chained by their attitudes, they are slaves,
they have forfeited their freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.

This excerpt is taken from Shiv Khera's "You can win"

Don't quit

When things go wrong,
As they sometimes will,
When the road you are trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have yo sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit--
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow---
You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

Taken from Shiv Khera's "You can win"